Monday, September 16, 2013

Why Birthdays Are Weird.

Let me just start off by saying that I'm always up for a good birthday celebration. I LOVE making a big deal out of people's birthdays. I want pomp, circumstance, glitter, noise, and parades, damnit. The birthday rule is this: more insanity and ridiculousness, the better.

But, if you think about it, birthday celebrations are kind of weird. Just saying.

1) You blow up balloons and decorate the party space with them. In case that doesn't seem weird to you, let me remind you: you literally surround the room in bags filled with your breath. And it's totally normal/accepted/preferred. In fact, most people pout if there *aren't* balloons. Furthermore, when you pop said breath-bags, your ingested air then goes all over everyone. What is going on.

2) People stand in a circle around a burning piece of food (the birthday cake) and chant (sing) to the birthday person. Yeah, because some sort of satanic seance is oh SO different.

3) People wear hats with chin straps (birthday hats with those little elastic straps that keep them secured to their heads). I mean, sure, probably not the weirdest thing about a birthday, but fashion wise? So not okay. Who let those be a thing? We need to talk.

4) People sometimes throw surprise parties. You essentially wait for the birthday person to come in to their homes, unsuspecting and comfortable in their own perceived security, and then ambush them with a verbal assault of "SURPRISE". It's a miracle no one has died of a heart attack yet from such a thing. And yeah, if someone did that without the excuse of a birthday, they'd probably be arrested.

5) Pinatas. You beat a dead thing in the shape of an animal until it BREAKS OPEN AND FEEDS YOU. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE.

So, uhh, happy birthday. I guess.

1 comment:

  1. A very interesting point of view!

    ReplyDelete