Saturday, July 6, 2013

What Does Your Phone Autocorrect Say About You?

I'm dating my iPhone (not that way, get your mind out of the gutter). Our relationship is definitely emotion-only. And if you think about it, you probably have the same deep relationship with your phone: you keep it by you all day, you wonder what it has to say, and you go into a full-fledged panic when you don't know where it is. It's the first thing you reach for when you wake up, the last thing you look at before you go to sleep, and you make sure you go eveywhere with it. I'm sorry, is that not the definition of marriage? I'm changing my Facebook relationship as we speak.

But I've realized this (as my phone and I enjoy a lovely candlelit dinner together): our smartphones are stalking us. Well, maybe not really stalking us, but they're started to pick up on what we're typing most often. And to be honest, when your (my) phone starts suggesting certain terms and words to you (me) because it thinks that's what you (I) want to type AGAIN (you start typing 'hello', your phone always suggests 'horseradish'), you (I) have to take a step back and evaluate what's going on in your (my) life.

Here are some of my own personal phone texting suggestions. Oh boy.

1) 'Olive Garden' (as in, the Italian restaurant chain)-I don't know why this happens, as I only have about 4 memories of typing about Olive Garden in the past 2 years of owning my iPhone. But apparently my phone knows that I always, always, ALWAYS want that breadstick-y goodness, because every time I start typing a word with an 'O', that's what it suggests.

2) 'Gryffindor/Hogwarts'- I'm a Harry Potter nerd. My phone now knows this and is now okay with popping it into everyday conversation (and spelling it correctly, of course).

3) 'AWESOME'. I think I've been enthusiastic one too many times on my phone, because now it will not allow me to write 'awesome' in a basic non-screaming text tone. Now everything is 'that's AWESOME news, I can't wait to see you!' or 'that's AWESOMEly bad!'. I AM YELLING ABOUT HOW AWESOME EVERYTHING IS. ALL DAY EVERY DAY. Thank you phone. Thank you.

4) My phone often suggests 'Toddlers and Tiaras' to me. I honestly have no idea why that would even happen. NOT OKAY PHONE, NOT OKAY.

5) 'Redonkulous.'-A take on the word 'ridiculous'. My phone has acknowledged that I *used* to say this in the past decade enough to the point that it now suggests it every time I use a word starting with 'R'. I probably should go get my braces and my awesome hair center part back on as well.

6) 'Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow"- I once sent this text to a friend about 50 times in a row to annoy her. My phone has never forgotten such an action, and now routinely corrects my "M" words to such a melodious phrase.

7) 'Duckling'-Why would you often suggest this. Why on Earth would I often talk about ducklings. GO HOME PHONE, YOU'RE DRUNK.

8) 'Coupledom' -Apparently saying 'relationship' is not something I do. I type 'coupledom', and my phone knows this enough to suggest it without me asking it to.

9) 'PERFEXT': Disclaimer: this is not a word. This is a misspelling I once did when trying to type 'perfect' in all capital letters. No matter how many times I reset my phone, my phone still suggests this as the 'more preferred' spelling to 'perfect'. Sorry in advance to all who receive that.

10) 'Schmutz'. This is actually a Yiddish word that essentially means 'dirt'. Often used by Jewish mothers to be like 'you have schmutz on your face/shirt/hair'. I'm actually not even mad about this one.

What are some of yours? ;)

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