Wednesday, July 17, 2013

All I can handle are the pants.

Here are the things I can do in yoga: lie on a yoga mat, and put on a pair of yoga pants. Boom, that's it. Are you impressed?

I have nothing but the utmost respect for those who are yoga happy and/or yoga talented. But at this time in my life (not trained and not really trying to train), I am unable to mentally focus myself while attempting to contort my body into directions that I'm pretty sure I was just not meant to fold into. Furthermore, I can't control my breathing (again, basic panting is really all I can manage as I attempt to put my knee behind my neck), and let's just be honest: I'm about as flexible as a steel rod.

Here are the things I like about yoga:
The pants: they're elastic, comfortable, and just a nice enough step above sweatpants that I don't feel like a complete slob when I leave the house while wearing them.
The mats: they're kind of spongy, and I can lay on them. And technically not move. Which is awesome. Why can't more of yoga just be spent laying on the mats?

Here are the things I don't like about yoga:
The moving/bending/folding/contorting: I CAN'T PUT MY SHIN TO MY EYEBROWS. I JUST CAN'T.
The balancing: I don't have good enough control of my limbs to balance them all at once. It's unrealistic that you'd even ask me to.
The controlled breathing: How can you ask me to breathe in and breathe out serenely when I'm trying to introduce my toes to my nostrils?
The serenity: I'm just going to start laughing when you tell us to be quiet. Enforced silence = NEED to laugh. Plus, it's kind of hard not to laugh at that one person who is a yoga goddess (which isn't a problem), but the look of sudden death they give you when you can' stop yourself from laughing makes it all the worse.

Namaste? More like Not-My-Way. ;)

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