Ahh yes, the art of texting. Or should I say workout? I love the workout of texting. And yes, texting is a workout. Why, you ask? Because no other workout has so efficiently slimmed down my thumbs. Because I spend an abnormal amount of mental strength trying to figure out the most effective strategy to pare down long words into shorter and more efficient abbreviations (which then becomes redundant, because I've just spent an ungodly amount of time making short and pointless words). It's a workout because I am willing to contort myself into the most awkward of yoga-worthy positions to complete a text, depending on if I'm hiding my phone in class orrrrrr maybe texting while driving (JUST THIS ONCE). And finally, texting is a workout because sometimes, depending on who I'm texting with, I start sweating and having heart palpitations. With some nausea. And the slightest "oh my god I am going to pass out right now waiting for this response WHAT DOES IT SAY" symptoms. It's fine.
I can't speak from the boys' side, but from me, as an easily excitable awkward girl, texting becomes a whole new type of battle. Sending that perfect text becomes a challenge worthy of a Mensa genius. Did I just send a text that was flirty, yet cool, yet appropriate, but not too much, but said what I wanted to, and left him wanting more? All while keeping it within the one-text-appropriate length requirement? Did I ask too many questions? Did all of those questions make me sound needy? Is he now mentally reviewing how clingy I am? Is he even reading my text, or is he doing something else and has already forgotten me? WHAT IS HAPPENING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS CONVERSATION. WHY ISN'T HE WRITING ME BACK. WHAT IS HE THINKING RIGHT NOW. I BET HE'S LAUGHING ABOUT THIS WITH ALL HIS FRIENDS RIGHT NOW. I SWEAR TO GOD NEXT TIME HE WRITES BACK, IF HE JUST WRITES BACK PLEASE, I AM GOING TO PLAY IT ALOOF AND COOL AND---oh wait. He responded. Let's rinse and repeat this cycle of crazy.
I swear to God, I'm not sure what's taken longer: me writing a text to the guy I've liked to describe my weekend, or the writing of "War and Peace". Which, by the way, took 6 years. I don't even know why it matters so much. A more self-assured person would be like "it's a text. It is the electronic equivalent of a post it note. Let's not worry about it, hmmm?". But not I. I would like to represent all the people of the world who put a significant amount of effort/worry/panic/terror into what they're going to say to that other special person. Did I just write 4 exclamation points at the end of that sentence? STUPID. Wasn't I aware that every exclamation point is like a small point in the column of "I am freaking crazy, avoid me like the plague?". That every smiley is a nail in the coffin of our future relationship? Hold on, did I just respond to his last text within 30 seconds? JUST KILL ME NOW.
I know that in the scheme of things, one text does not define me. I know that guys don't pick up on the 805 subtle nuances girls slip into those texts (and if that's not the case, someone please send me a memo). But still. One text from THAT person can initiate an NCIS-worthy 45-minute dissection of the text content in a way that would make an English teacher proud. Did he put a smiley in there? Oh, he's definitely into you. Oh my god, did he just send 'k'? He must not be interested/is likely cheating on you. Did he put a semi colon instead of a regular colon? Hmmm, I'm not sure. Let's forward this to every BFF I've ever had for further analysis.
At this point, all I want to know is if the font Sans Serif is tempting. Because I want to send a text that looks attractive, but still indicates I'm a lady with morals. ;)